I Like What They're Hearing

I've mentioned before that Becky has a boyfriend. We're not really okay with this but what are we gonna do? In reality how harmless is it to sit at lunch together when at school and talk on the phone when they're not?

I'll tell you how harmless it is - it's not harmless at all.

Have you never read If You Give A Mouse A Cookie? Don't you know that one phone call leads to another, and that leads to wanting to go to the Jubilee the same night as his family so that they can walk around together, and that leads directly to making out behid the threshing machines after dark?

I may or may not be exaggerating.

It's not that I don't trust my daughter. It's more like I dont' trust boys who have intentions on my daughter. And I'm the mama. I can only imagine how Sam feels about this. And apparently I'm not the only one who can imagine how he feels because I had this conversation with Becky today.

Mom, can you tell *Cousin to stop saying things in school?

Well, what's he saying?

He told *George that dad will kill him if he so much as lays a hand on me. And it's gotten worse. Not only is he telling George, but he tells everyone that dad is like Arnold Schwarzenegger, only smaller, and he'll rip George apart piece by piece if he so much as touches me.

I'll have a talk with him. (As I turn away to hide the satisfied smile and contemplate how to thank the cousin on the sly.)



*Names changed to protect the innocent and the guilty alike.


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29 comments:

Flea said...

Good Cousin! Ya think he can come over and head to the middle school? I have a boy who needs some rumors spread.

Pam said...

No- no boyfriends! I don't want to think about it! Good cousin- must get one of those!

LaskiGal said...

Reputation is everything. And, potentially murderous father is absolutely perfect.

OHmommy said...

I love cousins like that. Too cute.

Karen said...

That's good stuff! You can't pay for that kind of help.

utmomof5 said...

How much are you paying that cousin? i am just wondering so when I have a teenage daughter I will know the going rate!

Fishsticks and Fireflies said...

Have I ever shared my husband's philosophy on the difference between raising a boy and raising a girl? According to him, "With a boy you only have to worry about one penis. With a girl, you have to worry about all the other penises."

I do see a lot of validity in this, though it must also be noted that this is the same man that used my shampoo as body wash yesterday because he felt that his chest hair needed to be 'volumized'.

Sorry ladies . . . he's taken!

Shellie said...

Thank the Lord for cousins! My cousin scared off a few hyper-glanded guys in my day too and now I'm grateful.

the planet of janet said...

can you send cousin over here to protect my daughter from predator high school boys?

thanks!

The Sports Mama said...

See, now I have an entirely different perspective....

I have to worry about all those sly little girls thinkin' they can charm and flirt their way into Jock's... um.... pockets. And, being the oldest of all the kids in our extended family out here, (actually, now that I think about it, he's the oldest on both sides. Huh. Anyway.....) he has no convenient cousin to warn those little girls away with the threats of Nair in their shampoo bottles in the locker room.

Beth from the Funny Farm said...

Ha! Very funny. I like that song line "I'll just be here waiting, cleaning this gun."

Sniz said...

Remind me how old Becky is? Good job to hubby and cousin alike!

Burgh Baby said...

When you live near so much family, that kind of stuff is bound to happen. Becky might as well just get used to it!

Trisha said...

I think a little intimidation is a good thing! If "George" can handle that . . .he might, just MIGHT be good enough for your daughter. But the whole making out behind the threshing machines . . . ya gotta watch that!

mommaof4wife2r said...

sometimes you have to laugh at the fact that Dad's are always the same!!!

Cecily R said...

Sounds like a gooooooood cousin.

Jon says the girls aren't dating until they are 30 at least. He's dreaming of course, but with his size I'm certain rumors like that will be flying around our high school in record time. :)

ALF said...

It sounds like cousin will be a useful ally for you to have!

carrielt said...

Reminds me of my sister going to a small school. My mother found out she was having sex before the deed was even done! JK of course, but mom found out soon after. Gotta love small town gossip!

caramama said...

I imagine your "talk" with Cousin is going to be "good job. keep it up!" hehe.

jessica said...

that is awesome! (not the boyfriend though) - ahh, i remember my boy crazy years! i am not looking forward to that with my kids.

Sandy C. said...

*high five* for Cousin!

I believe this repellent will last a while :)

Madame Queen said...

I love it that you compared Becky's relationship to If you Give a Mouse a Cookie! Too funny! (though in our house If you Give a Moose a Muffin is our fave).

Leanne said...

Um, let me know how much the cousin costs. I may need him soon. Thanks.

Tranny Head said...

My parents hated EVERY SINGLE GUY I ever brought over here. EVERY LAST ONE of them. And God help me if I have a daughter because I'm sure I'll be the same way!

Debbie Yost said...

I wish we had a cousin like that in our schools. Unfortunately, our schools are a little bigger!

Bia said...

Hooray for the cousin...you need to pay him, or something!

Michelle said...

Hmm, maybe I need to get some cousins up my way. Good call! Can we borrow him in about 10 years?

Andrea said...

Oh that is good, that is really really good. Arnold but smaller!! Yes, I will train my older boys to say things like that for the protection of their little sister!! Daddy also owns a shotgun!! LOL!!

Colleen said...

That is hilarious!!! I had three protective uncles (only a few years older than me) when I was Becky's age that kept the worst guys away. My parents didn't even have to worry about watching me. Of course they just scared them with their own size and weirdness...no stories about my dad. Which is probably a good thing since my dad is all of about 5'7" and laughs when he's nervous. No ferocity there! :)
So how much did you end up writing that check for payment to the cousin? ;)