Motivation

There was a day when I was self-motivated. I would do things simply because they needed done. I had a list of things that needed done daily, and checking things off my list was one of my greatest accomplishments. If I did something that wasn't on the list, I would add it so that I could check it off. This kind of organizational guruism lasted through at least 2 kids. But somewhere along the line, things deteriorated.

There was one day, or maybe three, when I didn't get everything done on my list. I prioritize, of course, and sometimes mundane things like doing the dishes got pushed off onto the next day because there are only 24 hours to work with. But big things, like looming deadlines, were eventually put off. I went to bed with a heavy weight surrounding me, wondering what the world would be like in the morning because I didn't get a Big Thing accomplished that was on my list.

When I woke up, the world was just the same. I was shocked. Gravity still worked, the Earth was rotating on it's axis, and the universe didn't explode. In fact, I had more energy to accomplish the Big Thing and it got done first thing in the morning. But I felt as though I narrowly escaped a disaster. That wouldn't happen again, it was just too risky.

But it did. And soon The Big Thing wasn't getting done first thing in the morning, it was done in the afternoon. And then it was getting done late at night when I was really too tired to do it right. And then the inevitable happened. I put it off for two days, and I realized that the world still turned on it's axis just like it did when I put Big Things off for one day.

That started the avalanche of procrastination. I am now Master of Procrastination. I will put things off indefinitely, maybe just to see how long a thing can be put off. Will the world ever explode? I haven't reached that point yet.

But sometimes this isn't a good thing. Some Big Things can be put off with nothing happening at all, but other Big Things just can't. These Big Things have definite deadlines. I'm good with deadlines. I really am. Give me a deadline and I'll meet it. On the very second that you need it, it'll be done. It's risky, I know.

I think I've found the solution to my procrastinating ways. I need to prioritize again, but turn the list upside down. I have learned that I will do any manner of hard work in order to get out of doing something that needs to be done. I will clean out the refrigerator to get out of paying bills. I will exercise to get out of laundry. I will scrub bathtubs to get out of sewing. (Let's not psychoanalyze me here. I am well aware that I'm messed up.) So here's the plan. I will make a list again, and put things like dishes and vacuuming at the top of the list. Big Things will most certainly go at the bottom, and I will put off doing what is at the top of my list because it's got top billing. Big Things are bound to get done with this new strategy.

Wanna take bets on how long it is until I'm onto myself?