Sometimes There are Thorns

It was a fast-and-slow kind of song at church. Micah likes those. Micah likes any music, really. On the slow parts he waits things out, clapping to keep time, but when the fast part comes he's all about singing with a joyful noise as loudly as the next person does. Except that Micah can't sing, of course.

When Micah sings, everyone knows it. The kids sang in front of the church the other week, and while all eyes were on another little boy in the back row pretending to audition for Dancing With the Stars, all ears heard Micah. He'll drown out an entire church full of kids so that all you hear is his deep-voiced drone. And there is no doubt that he's singing with his entire heart behind it, too. You can't help but smile, even if you can't hear your own kid above the din.

So Micah was in his glory, singing along with the fast parts, giving his all to the Lord, when a little boy in front of him turned around and put his finger to his lips. Micah ignored him because it was time to sing, not be quiet, and kept on making that joyfully loud noise. The little boy held his hand out in front of Micah's face to tell him to stop, motioned again for Micah to be quiet, and sternly glared at him. Micah stopped, and didn't sing the rest of the song.

My heart broke watching that interaction take place. Micah has grown so very much in so many areas lately, that I fear he may have understood that his singing is not like everyone else's. He may have gotten the message loudly and clearly that his singing is not welcome in a world of words. He may have been embarrassed for the very first time by the fact that he's different from everyone around him. And even if that wasn't the case this time, that time will come. And it hurt me, because there is nothing that I can do to help Micah, or to change the fact that he can't sing. All I can do is be there for him and let him know that God loves to hear his voice just like God likes to hear the voices of those who can make words happen, because God created each of us to be unique. And I'll let him know that I will always love to hear him sing, even at 5:30 in the morning when I'd rather be asleep, because his voice is uniquely his and I love him exactly as he is.

And I pray that it'll be enough for my boy, because I have nothing else to offer.



Annette W. said...

Oh NO!!!

Tara said...

Breaks my heart for your boy, and for mine, because his day will come, as well. Honestly? It also makes me want to step on the shushing kid! Grrrrrrr!

Bethany said...

My heart breaks for Micah, for he is indeed making the most joyful noise unto the Lord. I also feel for the other child whose parents have obviously neglected to teach him about how God created ALL people equally.

(Keri) Auburn Gal Always said...

I have cried for you and Micah today. That self-awareness and self-consciousness is a painful growth. In dealing with my daughter's challenges over the past year or two in growing up and realizing she is different from the other kids in some silly way that was Very Important at the time, I reminded her that she was growing just as Jesus wants her to and He alone is responsible for the physical differences she was beginning to see.

You will do well for Micah. Unfortunately, he is beginning to learn that not everyone loves and accepts him like his wonderful family does.

Now, go hug his 5am-waking-up little neck and kiss the bridge of his nose for me.

Roo's Mom said...

Roo loves to sing at church too. She can sing pretty well at times but usually she is just very, very loud. No one has seemed bothered by her singing yet, but that day will probably come. My take is that of course God welcomes everyone and that He is probably pleased and amused (if God reacts in that way to what we do) to see the Micahs and Roos of this world participating in worship. If other people have a problem with our kids, we should feel sorry for them for it is truly their loss.

Trisha said...

Hearing about Micah's joyful singing filled my heart. And then my heart dropped when you told about the boy in front shushing Micah. I hope that it was only a temporary shushing and that Micah will continue to express his joy however he can!

Flea said...

Oh ow ow ow. God is using your boy, and He'll shape Micah even through this. HUGS to you both!

Carriegoblue said...

Wow, this broke my heart! You have a great response for him ready though! I love reading your stories about your little angel!